12/10/2013
Three years without a rant. That's not right.
Gordon Brown has gone. The roads in Sheffield are being fixed as I write. Prescott and Kinnock are seldom seen. Peugeots are still ugly though. And we do have Nick Clegg now who is worth at least as much as Prescott+Brown+Kinnock in the annoyance stakes.

07/06/2010
Cars. New.
Much happiness when I found myself at Motorexpo in Canary Wharf today on my way to a meeting. Several things of great interest, possibly.

New Jagwaar XJ - Wow. Wow. Ow ! Looks like nothing else. Just too much to take in and make a decision. Like coming home with a girlfriend with three heads and five legs - she might be fantastic but you need time to get used to the strangeness. My initial impression was... Americans would like it. Hmmm. I hope my initial impression is wrong and Englishers will like it also.

Infiniti launch - this is the upmarket brand of Nissan, or as we still refer to them in the UK, Datsun. My god these cars are pig ugly. I considered making a citizens arrest of the people manning the EX / FX stand -cannot find the words to describe this car. Like an aging BMX X3 with fake tan and plastic surgery. And then some extra glitzy cheesy bits. It repulsed me from every, every angle. Please refer to previous comments about Americans would like it... Avoid. Shun. Repel. The other cars in the range whilst not as offensive were pointless, Lexii-clones.

03/09/2009

Airfix. How hard can it be ?

So after a gap of probably 30 years (at least) I was tempted back to the fold of model aircraft. Walking round the local craft shop/megastore in support of daughters A-level Art supplies needs, I spotted a number of model airplane kits. Sadly not Airfix but some substandard Revell brand  I thnk. However born-again-modeller Spitfire kit duly purchased. So a couple of days later I attempted the assembly of  aforementioned kit. Took me around 30 minutes to make the seat and instrument panel assembly. Imagine the delight of sliding the instrument panel decals out of a saucer of water after all this time. I then waited ten minutes before attempting to insert said cockpit assembly onto fuselage. Utter, utter disaster. Seat / Cockpit assembly just dis-assembled itself. Even the instrument panel decal detached and made a hasty exit. I blame the new panda-friendly glue which is clearly rubbish. So I  then dispatched the whole kit into the nearest bin. However what it did illustrate was the enormous patience I must have had, around aged 10, to do this sort of thing - fair enough when the alternatives would be an evening in a cupboard or possibly even worse, Stars on Sunday. Why do the Government not introduce a GNVQ (or whatever the latest "you just need to turn up" qualification is called)  in model aircraft - it must make you a better, more dull-enduring person.

08/4/2008

Dawn Primarolo. Super Nanny.

Currently Minister for Public Health (if you weren't already aware), Dawn is the embodiment of the Nanny state. Previously entombed in the Treasury where she was fortunately rarely seen (or heard) she was responsible for the introduction of the notorious IR35 rule which meant that IT Contractors had to pay tax. Quite ridiculous ! However since moving to her new role in Health she has taken it on herself to highlight the menace of middle class binge drinkers (that's me then) and also to remove cigarettes from pubs and propose that they only be sold in shops from under the counter. With all legal vices now banned, or on the way to being banned, are we all going to live to be 132 years old ? So that's 40 years of proper working and then 70 years of working in B&Q with an "I'm here to help" badge on since no-one has a pension that amounts to more than £4.50 these days.  Quite aside from what she says (which is bad enough) it's the way she says it which really annoys. Where do I begin ?  Well I won't even start since it appears several people are even angrier about this that me. Try here or here ! 

29/9/2007

Dandruff sufferer on board

Observed today - a sign in the back of a car "Mum to be on board" .  I've always been a bit dubious about these type of signs but this seems to be going to the next level. What next ? "Sperm donor on board" ? "Potential nobel prize winning scientist on board" ? "Going through a divorce with a particularly hard custody battle but things are looking up - on board".  Whatever sign you have I'm still going to honk and swear at you. Especially if you're smoking. Or sitting behind darkened glass. Or harbouring toddlers. So there. 

28/9/2007

Smoking drivers to be prosecuted

So now hapless motorists are going to be prosecuted if they smoke in their cars. Or play loud music. It's only a matter of time before singing in cars becomes illegal.  Of course they won't enforce any of this since it would involve actual physical policeman doing something rather than relying on some sort of roadside Smoke-Cam income generator.  Perhaps I was wrong about blacked-out windows in cars - here's a good reason to have them so you can smoke your head off without some plod landing you with a £60 fine.  

My main point though is - how they can ban smoking from cars but still allow small children in cars ? Everyone knows what's it's like to have a collection of screaming small persons on board - on a scale of distractedness from 1 to 10 this scores about 937. There's nothing more dangerous than a Chelsea tractor on the school run laden with offspring because in effect there's no-one driving.  

9/9/2007

Every pregnant woman to get £120

2/9/2007

Pimp my People Carrier

You can understand why some elements of the population are keen to hide their identities behind blacked-out ('Privacy') glass in their cars. You know the sort - ASBO'd spotty chav wearing a shell suit. However what's odder is how this has now spilled over into the mainstream, so that even normal family cars have the same afflication - often provided as a factory option. So what's going on ?

Theory 1 - It's safer / keeps the interior cooler. Nope it's not safer because  by definition visibility is reduced. I had privacy glass on a hire car in the States last year and it just made driving more difficult. It might keep the interior cooler but air con would seem a more sensible option than sitting in the dark all the time unable to see outside.

Theory 2 - You often do something very exciting in your car which you don't want anyone else to see. No you don't. You tried it once and the gearstick got in the way. You don't do anything exciting in your car other than eat Gingsters pasties from a petrol station in  Redditch and pick your nose.

Theory 3 - The Cult of Celebrity. You can see why some celebs might choose to sit behind darkened glass in their Range Rovers in order to escape the attentions of the paparazzi. And so there's a certain glammy cachet associated with privacy glass. Couple this with the fact everyone thinks they are a celebrity these days because they read Hello magazine and suddenly - we all need Privacy Glass. But on a Vauxhall Meriva ? Or a Toyota Avensis ?  C'mon ! There's no one famous inside. You Just Look Silly. Stop it.



                              

15/2/2007

Print your own postage - update.

They've now fixed it so it doesn't pop up the stupid 'take this to a post office' message anymore. 

24/9/06

Print your own postage.

What an excellent idea. You just go to the Post Office website and download stamps which you then print. Saves having to queue for hours with People of Odour (to use the politically correct term).  Fantastic. Well done. Just one problem. When I tried it I just bought a straightforward 32p First Class stamp. Got all the way through the process and then HAVING PAID a message popped up - "this is a tracked item. You must take the item to a Post Office to register it DO NOT POST IN A POST BOX"..... It wasn't a tracked item - it was just a bog standard 32p stamp. !  So that's really good - you can do everything over the internet but then you have to take it to a Post Office !!!!! Back with the People of Odour. What's the point !!!!! Sack them all. Anyway I ignored the warning on the basis it was too stupid to be true and posted it in a regular box - let's see what happens. 

6/7/06

Prescott, I can't believe I still have to write about him

Even I'm embarrased about him now. We need to get rid soon before Blair jets off for his annual freebie holiday and leaves The Clueless One in charge. 

I'm all done Prescott-bashing as it's too easy now.  Dumb animals etc. He's down. And out. The End.

13/6/06
Sir Michael Lyons  - Reform of Council Tax

Widely reported today (BBC website etc.) are some proposed ideas from Sir Michael regarding the reform of Council Tax. Presumably this follows the usual Brownesque ploy of announcing some really scary and stupid taxes in the hope that everyone feels relieved when the real tax policies get announced (which will still be scary and stupid, but not as bad in comparison). Well, this may be the intention but it's still worth looking at these early proposals as they are so OUT THERE  that sometimes you wonder why there isn't an uprising.  Here we go :-

1. "The plan raises the prospect of waste being weighed by refuse collectors.". So you get charged for the actual waste by weight. So I've got no money - what am I going to do. Erm.... dump it somewhere obviously. See  'recycling' thing below for more hints on how to tip effectively.  So Wiltshire would be OK but Sheffield will rapidly sink under a weight of fly tipping. Oh, and this charge would be on top of your existing (very, very reasonable) council tax charge. That's ok then. 

2. Sir Michael goes on to say "I am clear that if people want more services, want to tackle difficult problems like congestion, environmental sustainability and water quality...you can't just tackle those problems and say you don't want to pay more tax.". NO NO NO !  I AM CLEAR YOU ARE AN IDIOT !  So we're getting value for money out of our public services now?  NO. Council Tax is completely squandered now .You are just paying for final salary pensions in the public sector and endless pointless five-a-day lesbian fruit advisors.  Why don't we reform the public sector and then see what we need to do rather than just throw MORE money at it. Fuckwit. Fuckwit. Fuckwit. And what's the issue with Water Quality ? Nothing to do with Council Tax anyway. Buffoon. 

3. "There have been persistent claims that Sir Michael planned to increase council tax bills for householders who improved their homes with extensions, or for those with a picturesque view or bigger gardens." . Hold on a minute. With a picturesque view? I can only assume this is DailyMailism. How would that work? Lots of council homes in Sheffield have a decent view....  What about a Window Tax  ? That was popular a while back. Personally I think property tax like this is just so flawed - go for local income tax then (a) it's based on what you earn and not how many windows you've got or your picturesqueness or otherwise and (b) it greatly simplifies the collection since we don't need a whole bunch of clueless councils all collecting it.. 

8/6/06

The NHS

 I’ve been to two hospitals recently. One NHS (The Chesterfield Royal, so called because the Royal Family once flew over it at 600 mph ) and another Private (Thornbury, Sheffield). I thought it would be educational to look at the differences.

Parking

NHS – Outsourced car park, which is policed by helicopter gun ships and several packs of hyenas. Parking costs £99 a day and this appears to be the main income stream for the hospital. The other cars here are brown and nasty. And have England flags on them. Inside these cars are things called Chavs. Who wear hats.

Private – Park wherever you want for seventeen years in a lovely leafy car park for free. The car park is so nice you might consider holidaying there. I’ve booked a week in August. Personally I prefer car park ‘B’ as it has a nicer selection of Rhododendron. However I suggest you buy the Rough Guide to Private Hospital Car Parks (England) and make your own decision.

Reception

NHS – Walk past the smokescreen of dying smokers dragging their drip stands behind them and eventually find your way to The Receptionist. Who will ignore you for at least four days. And then speak to you in North-Derbyshire-ese. Not one word will you recognise. You will therefore end up following the inevitable forest of badly designed signage. The ward is a seven-mile walk past endless offices all occupied by people doing nothing very useful at all (mostly concocting fictitious statistics for the government).

Private – Walk straight into reception where the receptionist will deal with you in four seconds and direct you to the correct location. Which you access using an empty lift which has a Jacuzzi in it.

Ward / Consultation Room

NHS – Eventually gain access to the ward and then nothing… Wait several hours. Nothing to do. Note presence of individual TV/Phone/Cash generators by every bed. For only £194 a day you can watch daytime TV on a 5 inch poxtronix TV. Or your relatives can phone you for £3.99 a minute off-peak. Fantastic.  Just so the govt. can claim to have supplied every NHS patient with an individual phone and TV. As usual just outsourced to the lowest bidding scumbags. You can’t escape the ward as you’d never get back in. Several very ill, and quite frankly, smelly people very close by. After five hours you start self-harming using discarded surgical sharps on the floor. To the nursing staff you are completely invisible. Here, you do not exist. After seven hours a nurse approaches you and tells you The Doctor will be here soon. Eleven hours later The Doctor does finally find you and tells you to go home.  Which you gladly do as otherwise you’ll die. Whatever complaint you’ve got has now got better on it’s own. That’s the power of the NHS.

Private – Wait for at most ten minutes. Note presence of free WiFi. Free Sky TV etc. in all the rooms. Never see any unpleasant ill people. Just eerily quiet. Consultant appears and wafts you into his consulting room. Shakes hands and actually talks to you like you were A Person. Fixes problem. Back to leafy car park. Home. Gin and Tonic. All done in an hour.

 

"Number 10 Downing Street has announced the creation of a new Department for Communities and Local Government (DCLG) under Ruth Kelly's leadership.

DCLG will be the successor department to the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister (ODPM). It is an expanded department with a powerful new remit to promote community cohesion and equality, as well as responsibility for housing, urban regeneration, planning and local government. DCLG will be much better placed to deliver on this important remit.

It will unite the communities and civic renewal functions previously undertaken by the Home Office, with responsibility for regeneration, neighbourhood renewal and local government (previously held by the ODPM).

It will bring together responsibility for equality policy, including policy on race, faith, gender and sexual orientation. These functions were previously split between several government departments. The Women and Equality Unit moves to DCLG from DTI . DCLG will also be the sponsor department for the new Commission for Equality and Human Rights.

Ruth Kelly has also been appointed Cabinet Minister for Women."

Yip. We really need to be doing this.  Promote Community Cohesion and Equality.  Whatever it is. So what's the budget for this ? Words (yet again) fail me. Just Shut It Down ! Note that it doesn't end here  - there's also a new Commission for Equality and Human Rights.  Aside from the fact that it will just burn money you've got to think nothing will actually get done since it will choke to death on political correctness.  The same government that is sacking thousand of nurses...  Make Them Go Away.

28/4/2006
Prescott. Why ?

   

At last! He does something useful. If only to his secretary. Nice summary of The Useless One by Tom Utley in todays Telegraph.



13/4/2006
Kinnock. Why ?

(From BBC News 13 Apr 2006). I don't care in the slightest if he's been speeding or not. But I'd forgotten that this useless clown is a Lord.
So it's Lord Kinnock. But why ? Completely rejected by Joe Public at election time.Now on the Brussels gravy train. I think he had a brief moment to do something about EU corruption but failed to do anything.  What a waste of space.
I recall his wife is also snout deep in the Brussels gravy train. Words fail me. Just Go Away.